life recently

a lot has been going on at this stage of life during the past week, and i still haven’t figured much on what i should dwell on to continue living inside of it. and i know i should really pursue more with writing whatever the things that came to mind when possible, but i just hadn’t find the right mood on doing so (yet). instead, you’re getting this delusional, once in a blue moon post that really just rambles on and on about who-knows-what’s left coming from my mentally drained self. do go on if you like, or not. either way it’s completely up to you.

some things are better left unsaid, they say. i have come to realize that this might somehow feel true. there are plenty, plenty stuff that happened during the past in which i would choose to rather not discuss with anyone in particular. even the ones that are near and dear most to me. *finish writing paragraph of random thought #1, check*

feelings. feelings. *erase* feelings. feelings. *erase* feelings.

the following sentence(s) materializes the fact that one can never be that cold-hearted of a person, as in, i can never truly become heartless. so every single time, i enforce myself to ignore or to free myself from really drowning in the depths of my own despair, i’d still find myself succumbing through something deeper. and the only way of really surviving is to pray. pray that i won’t end up being cast too deep. *okay now you’re just making a fool of yourself, janice. get a grip*

being open minded. solemn. accepting. patient. organized. self-control. low-key. confident. trustworthy. honest. allowing myself to acknowledge these character traits and bring them as a solid foundation on a daily scale will have to wait. on my way, though. promise. may the space between where i am and where i want to be inspire me. *said a quote i found and screenshoted from some random insta post some time ago*

don’t be too hard on yourself. you are actually growing, so it is very okay to make a couple, or maybe (most likely) a lot of mistakes throughout the way. mistakes are a way of learning, and the thing about learning is that we are never going to end up stopping. you may not get to become the person who makes massive impacts to change the world, or that famous author whose books get tremendous accreditation and infinite awards for their books-to-movies-adaptations. you get to be you. and that’s more than enough. i happen to believe that we are created for different purposes, that are more often than not irrelevant to our personal desires. but that’s the beauty of it. nobody gets to be someone else. they just learn to make the most out of themselves. being content and making peace with our own soulful minds and hearts. that is key. *i’m sorry if this paragraph made no actual sense, i tried*

so there you have it. a compilation of my unorganized, irrelevantly written thoughts in one heck of a blogpost. not exactly writing it to be seen, but if you happen to read this, then you’re absolutely welcome to leave a comment down below to let me know your thoughts on them. i did enjoy writing this. apologies for it being super sentimental. i might write more posts like these in the future, only for a matter of mind clearing if that makes any sense? thank you for reading!

drained, exhausted, & slightly ill yet here i am,

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3 thoughts on “life recently

  1. Mel & Suan says:

    Make many drafts. Don’t delete them.
    Read lots of writings by other bloggers or even mainstream press to spark inspiration. Sometimes that little thought at the back of your mind could become a wonderful written post!

    Like

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