“The thing you are most
afraid to write
Write that.” ― Nayyirah Waheed,
Sometimes- no, most of the time, it is very well indeed, hard.
Believing in yourself. Being comfortable in your own skin. Realizing you’re worth more than you could ever numerically rate yourself with. Appreciating your body. Embracing imperfections. Not comparing yourself to other people that may be appealing to the word “perfect”. Nothing beats me more than these types of insecurities I have to face on a daily basis.
I was- no, still am afraid. Ridiculously of the fact of being judged. I started deleting all the self-portaits of myself on instagram. One by one. Not caring whether or not it has reached a certain amount of likes I was once proud of, or the heart-shaped emojis comments left upon them. It just didn’t matter anymore.
But of course, it wasn’t always like this back then. There were happier days. Days where it felt like a piece of cake to post sweet, peace-signed selfies on facebook, or asking mommy for assistance on taking a picture in front of a desired landscape, thinking whether or not the candids taken are feed-worthy on instagram, or simply putting a picture of oneself as a profile picture on Line for everyone to zoom in and see.
So, what exactly happened to those days?
They fled. Escaped. Gone. Replaced by ones that turned out to become the complete opposite of what they once were. Thing is, there was a point in my life where I felt like everything around me turned to shattered pieces. In other words, I couldn’t fully accept the figure standing before the mirror right back at me. The feeling shrouded me. Sank me deep, allowing self-doubt to dominate my whole entire existence. I stopped taking pictures, ceased asking people to take pictures of myself, expecting way less of how I would look on camera. Shutting off my once confident-ass self off was all there is.
The reason I created this post, is to none other than justify the one thing, that in fact needs to be justified: confidence.
It took me quite some time to actually realize, that this is a very important topic to write about. I’m not some social media influencer, nor am I a legendary writer whose words could inspire millions. I am nothing but a voice. A voice among the many that yearns to be heard. Standing up to a belief that confidence is key towards a better, refined self. Do note that I’m still working on it myself. Nothing worth having comes easy. It may require time to heal, the journey to it will most likely appear perilous at times, but I’m not giving up without a fight.
So if you somehow find yourself reading, I hope you’ll take a hint note of this:
You are worth more than you may seem or think you are. You are awesome. You should never let anyone label you, telling you otherwise. Be confident. Feel it in your lungs and embrace it. Love yourself in order for you to love the people around you. You are here for a purpose. Fulfill it. You can do this. You are capable of all things great. I believe in you.
from a girl who’s still learning to love herself,
Hello. I don’t normally post things like this, though I must admit, it was quite the relief to finally get my guts towards publishing it. Several times I debated on whether or not I should write and post this. A question then hit me to the point where I finally did. What is a point of having a voice when you don’t see yourself using them? Everyone gets a chance of doing so, it is simply a matter of choice to execute, to release them out in the open. Tonight was tough. My decision has been made, and I’m still struggling to allow myself feeling proud of it. To also feel confident about it, really. By all means, I hope you find this post somehow impacting? Feel free to leave a thought or two down below. Let’s be friends 🙂