Though it’s late and perhaps already too dreary to unleash by now, I still wouldn’t want to miss an opportunity of saying it:
Happy new year.
I started last year with writing a “new year’s resolution” post that ended up being published here, and is now starting to think that writing another one would undoubtedly be no use (not to mention cringy). Not only have I not done at least half of what I’ve aimed to achieve last year, it just also happens that I haven’t yet found a proper target to aim at for the year to come. Hopefully though, given the amount of time spent outside of blogging lately, I should be able to gather enough juice to get myself back on track into figuring it out.
And really, what are the things that I have been occupied with recently?
There’s rather plenty, actually.
Not even knowing where to begin, it would probably be best if I only mention the first thing that came to mind for me to write about on this post: Surabaya Tells. And may I just say how I have been internally struggling to dedicate almost all my juvenile might and energy to uphold the existence of this account? Everything from the man-hunt, story-digging, to capturing images and endless hours of editing short-clips, and confirming and publishing and marketing and dealing with implicitly negative, laid-back remarks-feels like I’m running my own little non-profit newsletter company alone. Call me unprofessional and immature, but there has to be a way for me to submit a voice of my own about my ongoing battles, and alas, I should probably start somewhere, should I not?
But really, to say that I have gained something out of this experience is a mere understatement. Having to embody an introvert personality, who is more often than not, a tad bit too anxious and perhaps sometimes, afraid, of meeting new significant others, I have succeeded to urge myself into meeting a surprisingly large amount of people in a very short period of time- and listened to their fair share of backstories, opinions, thoughts, and really, anything at all, in just one meeting.
And as of now, do I still consciously worry that anything I say or do might go wrong before conducting myself to every interview?
You bet I do.
It might be my timid, unsure, insecure, and overthinking-self talking back there just now. But I’ll tell you the truth, pre-interview moments are always a struggle for me- an ongoing one even, for me to conquer. But within every struggle, there has always been some kind of enlightening: a mindful, practical notion that the very first step in order to precede, is indeed, the hardest. And I, for one, am proud to outlive that notion, knowing that a positive outcome lies just across that bridge of doubt, and it is entirely up to me to fearlessly walk through it, and to rightfully claim my lot once I’ve reached its end.
Yet above all else, I sometimes need to remind myself the main reason why I built this account on the first place:
to deliver stories.
But tell you what, it really goes way beyond delivering stories twice a week on Tuesdays and Fridays. Be it one person, or maybe a hundred, perhaps even a million people times ten someday, if a story can turn a frown upside down, or become a small reason for someone to encapsulate goodness into their lives, then my God, post stories I will. I shall rely on no one but Him to guide me through this mission of spreading as much love through these people as I write.
I’d probably go on forever talking about this project if I could.
But enough’s enough, I suppose.
So again, what else have I been doing during these past several weeks?
Funny you should ask,